By the way friends, like that benevolent new gay gym chain "CRUNCH" I don't discriminate. Anyone can send me mail at supermarky@loop.com and get published right here! Fuck guestbooks. Sing your life right here I will sing along to last your whole life long! Not exactly a warning but this page is going to be both augmented and pruned! It's just gonna keep getting better!
(#1 GAYS AGAINST GAY-GAY GAYS (see below new #2)) with added cautionary contra gaysa gainst gaygay gays
#2 >Cher Don Quixotte de Sage, s'il vous plait, explain what you mean about windmills.
The Windmill was sort of a mini mouvement aesthetique I developed in 1984 the year of living, well, fast; the year I was really bad, not just pretty bad. I think I first read about "the windmill" in Barthes "Sade Fourier Loyola" and that windmill was an orgiastic paradigm a circle of people to be fucked is surrounded by a circle of fuckers and they do circular permutations till everyone on the inside's been penetrated by everyone on the outside. In the basement of the center for contemporary music I found this little machine for panning four signals and used it to feed control voltages here and there gradually then from there to here in simple electronic patches and the results were kind of amazing I never ever recorded any of it or made a piece (I was being so bad) but I did fool around with it and marvelled. Also just at how much simple sounds could seem to change by being panned. The little device was no doubt very rickety and added a few touches of its own. Then I found pencils that had lead in them that was divided into four quadrants so I could draw a line of continuously changing color and I thought if I used tracing paper and traced with such a pencil and moved the objects being traced underneath the paper it would in a way be a version of "the windmill" but music "of partial differentiation with respect to time" or "instantaneous music" sound waves would be replaced by light waves and the changing of color would be like "panning" light and moving the objects underneath or adding objects underneath the paper would be like choosing light instead of sound sources. The first things I used were tarot cards and soon I had the idea of arranging them in a windmill formation, tracing parts of each card then rotating them in circular permutation leaving each quadrant to use one particular sort of pencil, including just a regular pencil. So this was a really the "classic" windmill drawing I sort of thought. Then I started just branching away from the formal idea and doing "drawings" of various sorts, "overdrawn drawings" (like the new "action paintings" in some respects) portraiture...and I started designing "architectural accessories" that idea came to me from tracing and living in an interior architects apartment. So I designed "ears" that would bring out the facial structure of a house for example, that could be made functional, an architecture coworker (daddy--he was only like 35 though--had me working at the plant you see...) suggested they could be solar panels. then I thought Id' design some windmills for example the "affirmation windmill" (for Wendy Reid) this would be a real windmill that would generate energy to pay for itself and you could sell some back to the electric company; this is how it works by law the lectric company is obliged to pay for any excessive energy, a guy I met on a greyhound/trailways bus who belonged to a commune in vt that ran its own bus service for rock groups on tour and called itself a church among other smart things it did did this. The affirmation windmill had hands pointing in the 4 directions, then a windmill of black and white with ratios such that when spinning colors would appear. Or similary a windmill for Charles Shere and company: a reproduction of the famous Duchamp whirlygig only over several windmills far apart in space and made to different scales such that when viewed from some vista there it would resemble the Duchamp piece and it would generate enough energy to power Chez Panisse. Windmills are good things "the windmill" is a good thing. The way windmills have been applied at Altamont pass in CA makes for a fun drive by but eh principle is subverted. the electric company uses the mostly defunct mills to debunk the idea that wind power is of any use. As a method for big business production of energy of course it is nowhere near as "efficient" as a nuclear plant, however as a homespun device it is ultimately capable of undermining the entire industry and a good deal of the earths environmental problems. And once I forget why this violinist friend, Mary Oliver, compared me to don quixote and I was quick to add, "but I fight FOR the windmills not against" I'm embarsseed to say I've never read it I havn't even seen Man of La Mancha. For my 2nd mfa thesis concert I showed many "windmill drawings" on video live with a camera (apparently the audience couldn't make out a lot of them) and showed photos that were related in other ways, the concept was the idea of taking a musical formal principle and applying it to all possible things in art and life and I had just begun to discover that clothing was just another art form, which was this terrible revelation for me, sort of terible and wonderful (this concert had nothing to do with clothing though actually except I made jokes about the expensive outfit I had on but this was a big thing in my consciousness a new consciousness of design in general; this was 1984 and the only garments I had designed at that time were a few scarves using costly upholstry material (pictures of which will appear on the forthcomign "self gif extravaganza" or "fashion leader without followers" pages) and a bckless outfit made by somply ting a large american flag around ones neck large enough to toally cover thefront, a sort of patriotic piece hunh called "NAPKIN 1984" but I didn't show it at this concert: this piece could also by the way be considred in terms of a new form of suspension of the flag and also as the idea of rotating thesuspension parameters of the traditional furling and unfulrling frolicsomely flying felt friends that all our banners and flags (tho cotton) are too of course) while Dan Plonsey Jenny Rycenga Evan Ziporyn and couple of other people played music that was loosely prescribed. Sometimes they played for example lennon and mcartney string arrangements they read at sight all hunched over one score that was placed upside down on the music stand. Then they played along with some of the "catalyst fellatio etudes", using some written manuscripts as a point of departure (Jenny was playing harpsichord mostly and used the orignal sketches for "Keine Katasrophe--the brass sections"), one of them written by one of dan's roommates, who didnt' know how to read music but was enjoined by Dan nonetheless to contribute something) which they'd never heard before in the background. Evan was encouraged to work the hollywood squares and I dream of Genie themes somewhere into his playing because those two themes play together perfectly as polyphony in 2 parts: another form of "rotation" sort of) Dan and Evan also worked in a theme by Eric Dolphy. I wanted to do a version of "fellatio etudes" for the 2nd half of the concert which was going to be an example of "music of partial integration with respect to space" I was going to have a bunch of speakers sitting in a line sort of doing different versions of the same thing....and you could walk around...(ideally in the "Greek theather" on seats rising so the arc (or suspension should I say) of an erect penis would be described visually) only not different versions of the asame thing exactly but there would be this directional evolution two pieces at either end mediated by graduated peices in the middle so to speak (windmilly). Anyway I didnt' get that together (technische probleme!) and the "first half" of the concert was 3 hours anyway ("this instantaneous music can go on forever" I jocularly told audience)! It was a lot of fun and was really a crowdpleaser it seemed and overkill with th multimedia: the end of the first half concluded with the screening of "Eating cherries" which I'd shown the year before too 10 minutes in length. The cherry on top. I asked the audience "do you want it now or after intermission" and there seemed to be this understanding that there really woudlnt' be a second half to the concert I think, maybe but anyway they insisted on seeing it "NOW". This is all on tape unfortunately I was so out of it at the time I allowed the technicians to play games with the mikes they thought of that signifigantly impaired the quality of the recording. Parts are still very beautiful but the tape as a whole is kind of trashed. They took advantage of me! And I got all criticized for leaving my really good sound man in the booth so confused all the time they thought that was so inconsiderate on the committee and I thought well hell it's my concert why should he be worried? I mean, he liked the concert anyway but he I guess he shook his head and raised his eyes to heaven over being stranded in the booth with so little control and he's a very successful musician and rightly so: Chris Brown. He was supposed to project a miracle against the wall at some point ( alide of tan appeaance of the virgin mary endorsing reagan; I had gone and projected it on various surfaces in an elementary school classroom with kids modelling: one kid wore a shirt that said, "I survived a jewish mother" and Mary appeared on his chest beneath this insciption. None of the photos came out though. I sometimes had trouble loading film in those turgid times: the film was just not exposed at all soemhow....anyway CB was supposed to just surprise us and he forgot that. I didn't even ever say anything about it! and sometimes I went running up to the booth to confer with him during the concert. It was such a fun evening in the concert hall! Maybe the concert was just crazy I don't know but really the audience did have a good time we all had a blast and I think I influenced the past, I mean the next class toyoshi tomita, winner of the gaudeamus competition, a trombone player and fascinating character and this guy Brian sorry I dont' remember the last name, I thought were influenced by me when I saw performances they gave the next year.. Some nice moments musicaux have survived but not too many there's a lot of very garbled sounding talk which is really sad! Anyway the "overkill" work work work was intentional a reaction of compensation ("lots of cloying music" I promised) to my first thesis concert which was a solo performance I showed up almost an hour late for "corporeality in the head" (this was when I was REALLY in the thick of "being bad")...I was the only student who got all three of his jury curious enough to show up at his thesis concert, the first one, and they all showed up for the second one too. Which doesn't mean they respected me to the skies by any means. I ended up with like a B- or something (the first concert was "fortfeited" I didnt' feel things went the way I'd intended they should [although being an hour late for my own concert was such a brilliant stroke there was a lot to be read into it I love still it really was unintentional yet its the stuff of legend in some minds so though it was relaly more like 40 minutes everyone always says, "he was an hour late for his own concert!"] so instead of "defending" it I asked to do another concert and got 18 months more access to the facilities. Anyway of course this more than stabs at the answer to yr question they were sort of good old days but it couldn't go on like that forever! Drawing was really an amphetamine thing. If you gave me a 1/4 gram of speed today I would probably start doing the same compulsive behaviors...looking through magazines tearing out pictures I liked to trace then tracing tracing tracing anyway you can see there were technische problemen galore and that's not even in the day to day...it was fun but it had to end and it was starting to be less fun all the time it had myriad other charms besides making me weirdly productive but the january after the second concert I did all my best "windmill drawings" at home in holyoke ("windmill drawings undrugged" as it were) with my parents bored then the whole thing just sort of stoipped working for me I came to a sort of impasse for the time in my visual art (I have another aesthetic theory about this: the bowling theory of art) and unfortunately I've lost almost all of the ones I thought were really good. I was very proud of some of them. Some of them still exist though. I also "invented" a bunch of other things like elevators built on the principle of a ferris wheel instead of up and down and also something called "mauzy" which was "pure music of reading" the idea of which came from a little detail in a drawing I did and the idea was to always look for suspensions...anytime two objects might be considred paired the viewer should look for the line in the environment which might describe the cheerful smile of a handicapped child, an asymetrical smiling face, and this was in opposition to the form of the bridge too or the arch form....so fight against the arch bridge type paradigm and for the windmill and for suspension. Mauzy was the name of a school for handicapped children we designed interiors for at work...
ummmmm what else, oh I went to Swan Lake again and it had the same effect on me I was in tears and felt even more than the first time that the choreography was unnervingly articulate about the things I thought it depicted and discussed really (desire how we work so hard to get and to do sex and the object always disappears this time I noticed the swan was dancing perceptively less for the prince anymore when it came to them dancing together, he was becoming removed already). But soemtimes I just felt as though this work was just so perfect and the possibility of *inhabiting music* this utopia that ballet is became just like a siren to me i relaly felt if only our lives were totally choerographed and we danced them to music like this...its just such a high form of existence, inhabiting music... (I decided what the hell move up to the front row I was on the side and it was so weird it was like being on stage and sometimes the prince sat directly in front of me so the swan would dance to him for a long time i.e. would dance to *me* only the damned prince was in the way! It was pretty funny...cause the vantage point would have been so amazing I was just on the line described by passing through the two of them about 3 yards beyond the prince it was "astronomical" I want to go again to sit on the other side of the stage.
SWAN COUNT: 3.5 times I've seen it so far (on some nights I will continie to just crash the 2nd half so as to economize)
Subject: Re: Empty Boats Pass Each Other in the Night
>By now, Supermarky may be airborne but here is a message:
>>After reading about 1,000 year old eggs, Supermarky wrote: .... fight against the arch bridge type paradigm and for the windmill
>>and for suspension.
>PC replies in amazement: I will.
I also included the question "Cher Don Quixote de Sage" with my response on the "dear Supermarky" page. I hope that's OK. I started to post the entire exchange complete with the Abyss staring back at you but I thought I'd better do a check make sure that was OK. Who knows what japanoiserie might come accross the page and you could be in all the worse trouble for all we know...
>>Supermarky also wrote:
>>did I tell you about the new drug I tried the impotence treatment? injectable? ....
>Yes, in the context of explaining that Spring had sprung in LA.
>The mention of these drugs made me wince.
>It called to mind (1.) that other Chinoiserie (ancient) was said to accomplish the same effect without drugs, by slightly restricting
>blood flow with a thong or jade ring and
that's very common practice in the kommunity only rubber or steel rings are used. A new kind, its virtues extolled to me by the person who introduced me to the drug in question is made of a "smart rubber" or soemthing I think it is a little more gently insistent that the traditional rubber ring... the plain jane rubber rings only cost $1 by the way
(2.) the Mayan practice to pull
>a rope
>of thorns through that part of the anatomy to generate unbelievable pain beyond
>the threshhold of normal reality. Coupled with halucinogenics, this enabled conversation
>with the spirit world. However Confucius said: Respect Gods and Spirits but Keep Them
>at a Distance. I agree.
In "Sun and Steel" Mishima makes the point that the stronger a stimulus applied, the less variation in response from subject to subject. So for example the reaction of two people looking at a painting might show differences in their individual nervous systems wherreas buring at the stake will pretty much elicit the same mechanisms...Which brings to mind what I started to tell you about with regard to suspensions but then I decided to skip it. An australian artist named Stellarc lives in Japan and teaches English. He's obsessed over the idea of suspension in the context of the body and technology. He looks forward to the days of implantation of chips and one of his pieces is a performance in which he writes the word "evolution" using 3 hands at once, the third from mechanical arm attatched to his right arm. Each hand writes 3 letters. Most of his performances are "suspensions" of his body which are acccomplished by using steel fishing hooks whose barbs have been sanded down (by members of the audience who show up early enough to help out). My old name is in his coffee table book for a performance I assisted with in which he was suspended horizontally with I dont' know maybe 50 hooks in an indoor environment of boulders and cut down to about 15 ' long telephone poles suspended from the ceiling by chains. The poles and stellarc were spun and music was provided by various biotech mikes amplifying his eeg, heart, blood pressure signals etc as audio signals. I call that an instance of "mauzymania"
>>>* * * *
>>>CP: Do you know Karen Blixen's "Seven Gothic Tales"?
>>Supermarky: that's errie I am just reading Isak Dinesen's (that's what they call her in hollywood) "Seven Gothic Tales": I'm so irritated that I dont' know Latin well enough to "get" the last line of "The Monkey" the monkey is very Sade too, in a way...n'est-ce pas?
>Another sign of kinship. Let me know when you find out what the Latin is cause I don't know it either.
You know I only really loved the first story which is so twisted. Last night I went to see the 2nd half of "Swan Lake" (couldn't make it for the entire and mon swan préferé was performing last night and I will to see him as often as I can before I have to leave (6/5-7/10 are the dates on my rt ticket: I want to be back in time for the gay filmfest parties which are alwaays my favorite time of year in L.A. for some reason) and since I was coming at intermission I carried the TALES with me and thank god it wasn't MANN. Anyhow I was thiking about how I really onlyliked the first tale because it was so Djuna Barnes=y I mean I like the others (haven't read them all) are all well and good but the first one was so perverse. It was like Djuna Barnes does Sade or something--which is a nice combo. I was in the middle of "The Roads to Pisa" or around pisa and I missed my exit on the fwy thinking, "I really really liked the first one!" got back headed the right direction and arrived in time to see this lad walking along and we gave each other "the look of concern and anxiety" (actually mine was masked very well by a Louise Brooks smile; he looked vulnerable though, especially for 6'2" 190 lbs) so I followed him and intercepted him leaving his parking lot he had just walked 1.5 miles having for the first time decided to work out after work only then discovering that the parking lot moved all the keys to another location after a certain hour he motioned me to cross in front of his car but I wouldn't because after all, I was going no further, was already headed inthe wrong direction. Anyway we made friends and I took his number and places it between pages of the book then lost the book. He asked me to call him when I was through with my swans. Fortunately I had told him about my website and I came very close to leaving the book in his car and remarked, "Well you could have emailed me" and unconsolable after realizing I walked out of the auditorium without Karen I went back had no luck even checked the mensroom. He did email me though his handle is SHARK175. So I told him please send me the # again and keep those jaws at the ready for a teleconversation at least. I keep meaning to ask my roommate "How good is yr latin?" PC, would you mind giving me the line once again.
I have made you some tapes of Morrissey. Chet Baker, Anderson Wakeman Bruford Howe (you'll really think I've lost it when you hear some of this stuff some of which is horribly tuneful new age almost unbearable on the first hearing like some off broadway "Serious drama" musical song, but then the album hits amazing heights at other times...and I even grew to love almost even the sappiest parts of it) and I've got yr copy of the surprise book (Melville's Pierre. or the Ambiguities) I still haven't got you my music yet but I will get it together. did I tell you about a new old rediscovered piece, "Superhausen-Stockmarky Opus 1984" I'm going to call it postdating it instead of predating like a typical conniving composer? I think I have rediscovered its existence on reel 2 reel tape hope so.... hope you'll love it...
And speaking of Karen I don't suppose it's possible you have ever seent he underground masterpiece "Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story" produced with a cast of barbie dolls? I have just reconciled with a friend I'd dropped who has a good copy direct from the filmmaker Todd Haynes to make copies of which he's been encouraged to do. I'm the person directly responsible for Tom Hanks getting a copy: Tom Hanks who gives the best oscar acceptance speeches no matter how terrible the movie he's in, so I'm happy about that) Joe, my friend, also has a rare Betty Carter album I must tape for you. It includes some duets with Ray Chalres (which I call "Beauty and the Beast" he doesn't do a thang for me) I gave away my only copy of Superstar to Rachel Talalay, hoping it might further my career as a sort of glamorous Vincent Price for the 90s (it didn't) then gave away my Betty Carter dub to Dan Plonsey for his wife Mantra the great singer/actress/songwriter and more, mother now too... hoping to force myself to reconcile with Joe, actually, but he found me the same way you did in the end...
>>>C: We assume you are already a Borges fan.
>>S: I should be no doubt but only read borges in high school. The teacher who was trying to seduce the librarian who was trying to seduce me made me read it in his "writing skills" class. to tell the truth I have this big problem with the short story form. It's so as mallarme (according to Margaret Cohen) would say it's so "commodity" oriented, the plot is never thickened enough for me...
>C: The story I am thinking of is about a 20th century French symbolist writer
>who goes into major retirement and agonizes to create the frame of mind in which
>to recompose "Don Quixote" word for word, spontaneously, but with the hindsight
>of all the writing that had happened since then. Borges then compares long tracts of
>the recomposed version with the original version. They might seem to be the same,
>but is mountain mountain? As Jimmi Hendrix said "Fall, Mountains! Just don't fall on me."
>There was nothing there about windmills though, I think.
Wow what vistas...
I'd said my high school reading all antedates the dawning of consiousness of rme of literature as an art form in the way that I take it now (after reading Ulysees, actually, which is the book which woke me up) but then I recently rediscovered two high shool writers I was involved with Sylvia Plath, who I think is really great, so musical and Wm Butler Yeats whose stuff is so opaque to me now it amazes me to think I read it in high school
>Sylvia I don't know. Some months ago I got some WBY but it seems to be the wrong
sylvia plath is a famous poetess who committed suicide and people don't think of her much excpet in connection with high wchool girls being dramatic I think she wrote lines like "dying is an art I do it exceptionally well I do it so it feels like hell I do it so it feels real" or the first line of hier poem "Daddy" "You do not do you do not do oh old black shoe in which I have lived like a foot for nearly thirty years barely daring to breathe or atchoo" I dont' know how these lines were split up they were not written as long lines like this... I just thought of another book I might send you: my science fictionalized autobiography "On Wings of Song" by Thomas M. Disch I like to think I even look a little like the boy on the cover....
>stuff. Or else I am in too much of a hurry.
>>S: but I used to read it once a week with this teacher who plucked me out of class and arranged to do a "directed study" with me which meant private meetings reading yeats together. The two of us together with his backgrond were able to come to some understanding of them, I *guess*....there's all this symbolism
>C: I liked this anecdote
BTW he wasn't GAY.
C had asked "How is MANN?" (Robert Musil's The Man Without Qualities which he had sent to me)
>>S: Moosbrugger recenly had his moment of fame which John Waters always describes looking so gloriously infamous as he enters the wagon leaving the court then someone shoves him by the arse into the truck, which is a very hilarious answer to that Genet glamorization of the criminal I think. NOw
>C: Good. I hate Genet. Ugly, boring, flat and self-obsessed. Try Knut Hamsun.
Whom? OK if you try alfred chester (maybe I will see about picking him up for you: he's another Carrol and Graf incredible bargain; I tend to buy the book if I see it on a bookshelf just to promote the cause). I think Genet is "great" but...so problematic, and I've never finished a Genet novel. His influence on "gay" and "Queer" art has been really pernicious I think and I call it the "It's artistic to be sadistic syndrome" Dennis Cooper et alia ad nauseua...
>>S: he's languishing in jail and Clarissa (I keep telling Scott and Jim Johnson to read "Clarrissa's Demons" and quit their bickering over musics "content" (Scotts all history'n'sexuality, Jim believes only in "notes in a bottle")...I keep telling htem musics just a drug can effect the WAY you think about things...
>C: You are right. They are apparently deluded. What's "notes in a bottle"? Is
>this music in a void? The Ear listening to The Nose?
Exactly the ear listening to the nose . I have brought the shosty tapes to thie brink of listening: they are in my car now!
>>>C: To close in a baroque vein, we send
>>>:-< The Mask of Tragedy <-:
>C adds, I was waiting for you to comment on geeky ASCII.
What more can I say about it? I conducted an entire love affair in ascii so I know it's power only too well...devestating...
>The reason we sent the Mask of Tragedy is because you still have not listened to The Nose. You are missing one of the MOMENTE of our waning century. Rectify yourself!
GOSH! see above
>By the way I visited the Singapore student's page. You know that English is basically everyone's first language there? Anyway it was brilliant except for the fact of youth. I remember at least thinking in that way, letting words run away without full truth. Jung wrote about the wounded young man syndrome to explain that sort of darkness. Do you know what I'm talking about?
sounds like something I haven't outgrown along with Sylvia and Morrissey.... what I don't liki eis the pedantry which is unbecoming to youth but I've got that too but more like an evangalistic fervor about certain works of art and their creators, I hate having design principles promoted at me...another youthful aspect of moi is that I'm only too compelled to break every rule...
>It seems to have passed. And I really like clouds.
Yeah and his cloud poetry or whatever it is is just great
I wroe to him and told him exaclty what I thought great and no so and he asked for more criticism on the negatives "am I just too preachy?" and I gave it to him gentle I haven't heard back, tol him I was sending a sophisticated bilingual venerable type to peruse....
>Thanks for the story on watching Swan Lake.
Everytime I see it I understand it better this ballet is so incredibly rich the choreography is just as rich as the music. Last night for example I finally undrstood a very subtle thing going on in one scene a conflict arises between the prince and the black swan the reason is the black swan is trying to fuck the prince and the prince refuses to be penetrated! It's quite clear but very very subtle. Did I tell you then also of how recently let myself be penetrated for the first timein or 6 or 7 years? I sure did. It made sex seem so much more poetic and heroic...
>Be well.
Yu 2. Maybe I will send a CARTE POSTALE.....
maybe I'll post this exchange instead, you couldn't get in trouble I'll change yr initals "according to algorithm"
affectionately,
Supermarky
Ironically a couple of years later than when this letter was recieved I'm half of an opposite mind on this dichotomy since I've become consious of a breed of homosexual the ones who might bedeisgnated as "bi" or even "str8t" online, exatly what that means, and Ihave twice as much contempt for the "I don't have to act straight, I am straight I just prefer sex with dudes" as I do the stepford gays. So when reading, do that math.
#1 Gays against GAY GAY Gays
>Dear Supermarky de Sage:
>I read with guilty thrills of delight your recent expression of hatred for the Gay Kommunity. I haven't had such a great fibrillation since the first time I called my mother a bitch to her face. For a long time I've been tormenting myself about my repressed feelings of dislike for gays, afraid that someone will read my mind and tell everybody in New York my dirty little secret. If that happens I could never show my face again at the YMCA around 2:00 in the afternoon or at the Metropolitan Opera house for matinees of Madama Butterfly because, sob, sniffle, I'm -- <GASP> -- homophobic!
I hope an interlaced gif style response is ok. Try calling *my* mother a cunt! Well philosophically speaking you have to separate the individual gays from the gay kommunity sometimes at least. But I think that when I drive down Sunset or Melrose and see all the tackiness of the young straight peoples' world I feel pity for them but when I look at the gay districts I'm really grossed out, put off, angered, enraged. One thing you can say about West Hollywood's Boy's Town proper is that there isn't a cigar salon there. (I'm not forgetting the cigar fetish kumunity, but at least that hasn't become a turgid, bulging source of embarassment for the kommunity at large, as it is not an embarrasment right now, but will become in a few years time for the xers when they'll be looking back on all this ironically in "Nick-at-Nite" like spots which are the very soul of a generation!)
Well, you know I hate you because you seem to like Eyetalian Opera and I've met only maybe one real "opera queen" even though it is one of our most durable and eternal archtypical gay stereotypes and otherwise he didn't fit the bill but just yesterday in some Starbucks I heard this kinda music and I realized that what I hate about it is the "belting" which is the same thing I hate about showtunes and which seems to be what the two musics have in common in and among those people who not only love to profess to "love to love" these genres but always seem to manage to constantly shriek, "Well of *course* Judy is God!" For discussion of the YMCA see my illuminating video My Life as a Dog at the Gym--or--The Hidden Life of Gym Queens 27 minutes and 30 seconds about to be rejected at film festivals all over the world! Are you hitting the gym, Lukas? This I think is greatest natural genetic sworn duty you are bound to as a gay man the great thing being that we can control the body composition without recourse to plastic surgery and our physical "ideal" is...I don't know whether I should say attainable, clearly it's not for many, but...approachable? You can and must do something about it, that is, or don't expect anything but studs in 2-D and nothing the kummunity can say or do can change that! (At this point...because of all the porno and so forth) You have to try! Welt als Will und Vorstellung, Lukas! Welt als Will und Vorstellung! Then change the name babe change it to Jake Lowcox or something because let's face it, our role models and the people we most want to be are our darling porn stars. If you have neglected the gym, at least put on a baseball cap! It's nice to have to have "our" drag queens around to show how open minded we are though, downright inspiring! Anyway what I started to say was take music for instance, well as the primary instance. The if you will grund. Sometimes I think that my biggest confilict with the queens and fags nellies leathermen and so on has been an aversion to the music and look how much worse things have become the more the gay aesthetique has become entrenched in our ghettos (not to say swank) the "dance music" of today makes yesteryears "disco" sound like the goddamed 3 Bs!! Something that in itself would drive me to despair and loathing of everyone within earshot responsible or not esp those kind of bobbing rhythmically to this music that has about as much nuance as jerking off in the few seconds before a climax repeated in a loop ad nauseum!!!!! At least those Mary-whistles are out of fashion! ALLRIGHT!!! Isn't this enough in itself? Maybe we should form a band, doll! You write music, don't you? I fancy myself a delicious frontman, but keep that between us! And everyonceinawhile I'll be at some faggot place. Of course this is rare, I just don't go to Santa Monica Boulevard for anything other than the bookstore or the video store, I categorically *do not go* to these places. Nevertheless, when I have been in one and I heard suddenly a song I love the whole atmosphere could be considerably changed and it becomes somewhat less affronting. You would love Mussolini and rag on Buechner, when the only good opera comes from the Vaterland/Reich! Anywaylong live NASA because maybe they will find the pill to change us into straights on another planet where Stockhausen says there is a 4th sex could you imagine the publicity he would get if hhe returned via cult mode of travel when he goes back to the planet he came from (See "My Music")? Long live Buechner, Wedekind, Berg, Louise Brooks, G.W. Pabst. The Wagner Highlights are always nice. How DARE you write a bad review of WOZZECK (in Pink Noise of all publications!)?! If Diamanda Galas were here she would tell you what John Cage would have done to you! John Cage, the closeted composer! Why can't Pauline Oliveros get a man? Cause she's not gay, she's a lesbian! But I'm just kidding about Italian opera though I don't like it for the very reasons stated. Hell I premiered half of Berio's stuff in the U.S. (slight exaggeration).
>But reading your column in the March edition of Pink Noise has given me the courage to face another day just suspecting that somewhere, oh somewhere over the Rainbow Coalition, maybe in a swank neighborhood of LA even, a kindred spirit may lurk in the shadows carrying the same secret I carry with me every day.
Well word is out now, hon! World Wide! It's that classic gay line with a *new twist* thank you! "I always thought I was the only one..." for the 90s and beyond: "who hated gay parades 'n' "Hotlanta" whatever that is, just the word offends me and I cringe to see it I don't even know *how* to properly utter it!" Harmless Fun? I hardly think so!
>I need your advice, Supermarky. Do you think there's hope for me? I've tried everything. I've gone to the rapists I mean therapists to talk about this problem, and they either stand me up for sessions or fall asleep while I'm talking. I'm so desperate at this point that I've given up red meat and chicken and am popping herbal supplement pills, thinking maybe it will make me a more sympathetic person.
I think you should appear on Sally as soon as possible. We should. Then we could have a gay Mill Man March! I just read about it. How many do you think would gather, and I quote this guy who invented it as to what it might be:
Guess what I couldn't get the silly bitch's permission! He threatened lawsuits! I'm gonna do it anyway! It was posted publicly on AOL more or less (free for the asking)....
"In 1995, the Million Man March challenged black men to recognize a day of atonement. It was an ambitious call for accountability that encouraged men to become better lovers, fathers and brothers. In doing so, guidelines for responsible behavior were set forth in hopes of facilitating unity.
Gay men have shared a similar lack of unity within our own community. Inspired by the march on Washington, some friends and I sat down and explored the basic problems with gay men today. Our goal was to identify self-destructive behaviors, take responsibility for it and establish some guidelines which would better enable us to (likewise) become better lovers, fathers and sons.
Each of us have written essays regarding the direction we would like to take our community. The result has been what we now call the Other Gay Male. The following is my own contribution.
The best way to illustrate the conclusions we reached has been through the use of some friends and acquaintances. Thus, I want to share some stories and insights from our lives."
Then he goes on to tell tales out of school. But you know, this guy's really an amateur at hating the gay kommunity.
>I think the loneliest thing about being a person like you and me is probably sneaking peaks at Rush Limbaugh's TV show late at night, hoping that our kind will just get 20 seconds of air time every year when Rush tells stories about AIDS activists turning down donations from people like George Bush. Do you think there are others of us? Could we start our own club?
Oh see the above paragraph for a big club. Rush's show really is demoralizing because of those shots of the audience who seem the ultimate in the sort of depravity lending creedence to one of the favorite gay bigot attitudes that straights are inherently less fabulous.
>Now for the personal questions:
>1) When did you first realize you dislike gays?
A Gay Students Union Summer Dance at a local University when I was in High School. It was my first experience with studs outside of magazines and how I prefered my playgirl "discoveries" like Carlos Soares, the great muscular uncut Brazilian architect, first and last man of my dreams.
>2) Don't you think it's because you haven't met the right gay guy yet?
I want Carlos Suarez and will probably never meet him. He's probably in his mid 40s now and more beautiful than ever.
>3) Do your parents know?
My mother found Carlos' picture when I was a freshman in college and my father brought the desk they found all my porno in to school, and I hadn't asked for it and I was terribly upset wondering where Carlos was.
>4) Is there a cure?
None, and real Latin men don't like me very much. I just want my pictures of Carlos back!
>5) Where can we buy old Anita Briant records?
I had a recording of "In a Velvet Mood" which is wonderful and I highly recommend her trilogy, "Bless this House", "Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory" and "Amazing Grace". She was a victim of cruel abuse at the hands of her husband, a sort of nuclear family sized cult he had there. With disastrous impact but rallying recourse for the kommunity!
>6) What do you like to do in bed?
Read Robert Musil's MANN OHNE EIGENSCHAFFTEN in the new English translation, leider. I can't wait to find out if he thinks gay men have qualities!
>7) Do you like Mussolini as much as I do?
I love all Eyetalians. Without respect to anything.
8) Do you hate Barbara Streisand as much as I do?
She's a very confused lady. "The Mirror Has Two Faces" sends a very mixed message. Enough is Enough is genius compared to what we hear today except some of the sex clubs have sort of interesting music but when someone starts rutting in time to it my blood runs cold. Her son seems friendly enough.
Oh, get a computer and go online, it's so much easier to fall in love just don't ever meet the person. But your hours can be filled with fun and frolick in ascii! The virtual world is perfect for gays, I'm telling you.
My only other in response to these stupid ?s is: don't think having AIDS will make it all better, that you will begin to relate to gay men differently, on a different level. That only lasts a few months!!
>Please write back to me, Supermarky, because I'm very lonely, living as I do in New York City, where people are always calling me either "fascist" or "faggot." Do you know how confusing that is?
Well you should have been in West Hollywood when Wilson vetoed our existence! That was politics! That was theater! The kommunity came out in force and blocked traffic right in boystown and vowed they would continue to do this until change was made, a rectification. And they really meant it for about 36 hours! And you should come to some of the grassroots organziations I've been to lately cause at each meeting different people show up for this ongoing effort in the fight against aids. If you're really lonely advertise and charge admission. Actually ever since I saw Rosa von Praunheimn's "Transsexual Menace" I've been thinking, I went the wrong route I always wanted to be a gal! Have you tried the new porno video I saw in SF "Autofellatio" it's awesome, inspiring and beautiful and gives us hope...